


hides behind a cigarrette

by prismarineslabs



Category: Dream SMP - Fandom, Minecraft (Video Game), Video Blogging RPF
Genre: Body Dysphoria, Emotional Hurt, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sapnap is sad, Sapnap needs a hug, Sapnap-centric (Video Blogging RPF), Third Wheel Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Tired Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF), Unrequited Crush, Unrequited Love, dnf but sapnap loves dream
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-15
Updated: 2020-12-15
Packaged: 2021-03-10 20:53:33
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,561
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28083486
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/prismarineslabs/pseuds/prismarineslabs
Summary: sapnap has a crush on dream; eventually that takes a toll on him.
Relationships: Clay | Dream & GeorgeNotFound (Video Blogging RPF), Clay | Dream & Sapnap (Video Blogging RPF)
Comments: 10
Kudos: 258





	hides behind a cigarrette

**Author's Note:**

> dreamnotfound is canon, dreamnap is minor and doesn't happen.
> 
> my first and only ship fic probably.
> 
> lowercase.

sapnap was used to being the second or third option. he had known dream for 7 years and was always used to being put after other friends, or after a game, or after work. even growing up with his family, his younger and older sisters were always favored. he was always the choice for when somebody was just _bored_. it was something that he understood growing up with a hard exterior. eventually, when he joined the smp that his best friend owned, he felt at home for a while. sapnap made a lot of friends on the server, and mixed in well. and he was with dream, his best friend. it was them against the world forever.

until it wasn't.

dream had just come back from the hypixel server, sapnap opting to sit out as he usually does, but dream wasn't alone. he had somebody new with him, a brunette who stood close to sapnaps height. he wore goggles that sat on top of his head, a blue shirt holding close to his body. he was skinny. sapnap greeted dream with a smile, holding a diamond sword which he was enchanting. he remembers setting the sword down on the enchanting table, greeting his best friend and the new boy. "hey, i'm sapnap." the ravenette greeted, sticking his hand out to shake the new members. it wasn't odd for dream to just bring people back to join the smp. the blue shirt man looked at him with no smile, "george." his lips force to a tight smile and sapnap realized fast he didn't like this new member. 

sapnap and george seemed to butt heads a lot. it had been a month since george had joined the smp, and the british had an issue with everything sapnap did. how he would leave the sword tip on the hardwood floors, [ _"they're gonna scratch the floors!"_ ] or how he would wake up to early and wake up the light sleeper. sapnap didn't like how dream had just invited him to live with the duo. sapnap tried hard to get along with him, but the older wanted nothing to do with him. the duo slowly turned into a trio.

during the first war of l'manberg, sapnap stayed out late to fight the training dummys and mobs one night. he was agile, fast and not missing a single shot until he was dripping with sweat and his bones could barely hold him up. dream had came out of the _community_ house to meet with his first friend. he watched the youngest for a few minutes, stepping closer when the ravenette slumped against the tree trunk. the leaves had begun to disappear as the cold weather approached, making his shoes crunch as he stepped onto the brown and disappearing leaves. sapnaps head turned to his, and for a moment he thought there was an angel in front of him. the moonlight shone on top of the 21 year old, glow pressed to his back. they smiled at each other, and dream silently sat beside him.

"hey sap?" dream said softly, shutting his eyes as he leaned his head back to press against the oak trees. sapnap hummed softly, looking out of his peripheral vision at the older. "can i.. can i tell you something?" his tone was silent, white mask sliding to the side of his face. sapnap only hummed again, looking away from the other as his cheeks heated up. how long had he been looking? dream sighed, pulling the mask off softly. "how do you know when.. you like somebody?" dream asked, testing the waters of comfortable for this conversation. sapnap thought for a moment, pulling his knees to his chest.

"i think.. its just.." sapnap stuttered over his words, biting his tongue. "you feel kinda floaty around them." the word phrasing was enough to make dream smile. "like your on top of the world. everything is nice and warm and... you're happy." sapnap tried explaining, though the words caught in his throat. he turned to look at dream, who was already looking at him. the sudden eye contact slightly scared sapnap, though he didn't look away. dream nodded, looking from sapnap to the water that surrounded the community house. "i think i like george." dream said silently, and soon the silence fell over everything. sapnap felt his heart ache, though he didn't understand why. pushing the heavy feeling away, he turned to dream. "thats great, bro." he smiled, dream looking over to copy the smile. it was silent until dream went inside.

two weeks later and they were dating. they were ecstatic, never spending a moment away from each other. it wasn't hard to tell they were still in the honeymoon phase, but nobody could tell when that would disappear. sapnap was becoming used to being the second choice again.

sapnap didn't do much around the smp anymore. he hung around his house that he had built the day after dream and george announced their relationship for the most part. things were boring, he had nobody to hang out with. starting small wars to just have some fun, annoying tommy, even going as far as to hang out with an old friend [punz]. sapnap was feeling drowsy recently, a sick cloud hovering over his head constantly to remind him who he was. he was just an annoying kid. thats what he told himself. he hadn't left the house in three days, stomach heavy with pain of not eating. the boy just laid on his side, staring at the glass windows to see everybody passing. he mainly saw tommy and tubbo run by in those days, though occasionally he would see fundy or even purpled. his house begun to feel stuffy, and as the days progressed his head would hurt more and more.

on the fourth day of not leaving, sapnap shakily stood from the black bed. he winced from the pain in his head and stomach, standing and shuffling to the chest. his chest burned, the feeling almost making sapnap slump on the floor. as he moved around the house, his head hurt enough to make him lean against the oak beams that head the house together. sighing, the 19 year old slid down the wall to try and ache the pain. it hurt more and more, tears beginning to well up in his blue eyes. letting out a pained sob, he pulled his knees to his chest as the hot tears pooled onto his knees.

sapnap was in so much pain, head and stomach both aching from limited water and food supply, while his chest burned for the longing of his friend. he leaned his head back against the wood, face getting blotchy as he sobbed loudly throughout the silent house. there was no noise except for his whimpers and sniffles. clutching at his chest to try and rid the pain, he leaned his head forward and gave into the pain of understanding what was happening. he understood the blush he adorned around dream. he understood the way that he always looked for him in a crowd. he understood. sapnap cried for an hour, his position never changing. he cried until he had run dry on tears, though his heart yearned just to cry for the rest of his life. his best friend had replaced him, he noticed fast.

sapnap slowly moved, standing shakily on his feet. he held most of his weight on the wall beside him, slowly making his way down the stairs to his chest room. he let out silent sniffles, head banging worse as the tears slowed. he opened a few chests, sifting through to find a few pieces of food. he ate silently, making his way to the bathroom and splashing a few handfuls of cold water onto his face. he didn't change from the clothes he had been wearing, staring at himself in the mirror. why didn't dream choose him? he'd known dream for much longer. was he to fat? sapnap questioned himself, pulling the clothes to be skin tight. he was losing weight fast recently, ribs poking out from his sides. biting his lip, making a choice to look at his face. he had dark undereyes, circles pooling around them. acne was placed around his face, the boy rubbing at it subconsciously. 

sapnap pulled away from the mirror and out of his thoughts. he felt heavy again, leaving his bathroom quickly. running his hand through his hair, he left the house quickly and opted on going on a walk. the day was passing fast, sky turned orange and pink around him. he walked slowly, pushing his way through the l'manberg border to sit on the docks. the spruce heaved under his socks, sapnap biting his cheek as he sat on the edge. he overlooked the water, feet dangling inches away from it. the seagrass and fish were fading away as the night hit, and sapnap realized he had forgotten any form of protection. he didn't move, though, looking up as the sun hid from his vision and the moon picked up behind him.

sapnap heard loud laughs coming from the dirt hills behind him, and it didn't take much to realize that it was tommy and tubbo. the laughs made him remember he was alone.

but its okay. sapnap was used to being the second choice, anyway.


End file.
